Old age: A Bliss or Dismal?

Jaismita Alexander.

A little light of hope, a few moments of happiness and some love, this is all what the inmates of the old age homes demand and desire. Some have come here because they have no one to look after or they are unmarried and retired. Some are left here by their children due to unavoidable circumstances or just because they have no time for their parents. Whatever the scenario maybe, but it is not always that they live unhappily. Some do live in peace & joy. Old age homes are a place where these people receive food, shelter, clothing, medical facilities and care. They are looked after in these homes but sadly the love and care of the loved ones is of course missing; for outsiders can never provide solace. We have visited such old age homes to spend some time with these wonderful people. The warm welcome that we received was really worth appreciating.

Tiger Reporters Subhajit Paul & Jaismita with inmate of Santi Nivas

Old age homes are a symbol of our societal ingratitude. The parents who have given birth and raised us up with much care and love, we send those parents to such homes. Though, some do have reasonable problems. But what about those who think that their parents are a burden just because they are old? They have no time and resource to waste on these “useless” and “unfruitful” people. The only favour they do to their parents is that they leave them in an old age home and come once in a year to meet them. It is really sad & disheartening that old parents are given least priority in today’s generation. The respect and love that old parents and grandparents should receive have just become relics of the past. Time and again we talk about them. Often debate on this sensitive topic but nothing seems to change. It still remains an enigma as to why people stay aloof of their duties. Not going into much detailed criticism about this topic anymore we have highlighted the lifestyle of these old people staying away from their families.

Inmate of Santi Nivas

Old age is a despair of human life span. With old age various health related problems occur. Special care and correct medical guidance can improve the lifestyle. Old people in good homes are treated specially by doctors. Care towards their health is looked after by trained matrons. Many old age homes assign trained nurses and helping maids who look after the needs of individual mates. Apart from health their entertainment is also given utmost priority. Several schools, colleges, organizations and NGOs visit the homes on different occasions. They organize various programmes for the entertainment of the old people. The accompaniment of the children and youth makes them feel good. Apart from all this, some of the homes arrange for television or radios. The lifestyle of these people is framed in an organized routine. They mean the world to each other. They stay like friends and a family at the same time. As a person grows old, his wrinkles appear, hair turns grey, and so the heart becomes that of a child. Old age homes provide vigilant security, prompt medical facilities, entertainment and above all an environment where people understand each other. They share almost the same kind of mindset and thought.  Their emotions are sensitive. The matrons of several homes say that their inmates often miss their children and grandchildren. They often cry over little things and become stubborn and cranky. Sometimes they tend to retaliate when they are refused of something. The matrons in these homes attain great self-control and patience as they have to deal with these people. We spoke to the inmates of the homes. Their stories were somewhat very similar. It was the same turmoil in family, disgust against the old and finally the removal of the old from the family. The stories are all same and dismal. They often had tears in their eyes recalling the situation they faced back at home. Some even said that their son moved abroad with his wife and children assuring to take their parents with them soon. But the latter part of the story is clear to us. They never turned up. Even if they did, they would repeat the same promise just to repeat it again until he visited the next time. Some inmates are living in these homes paying for their stay from their own pension. They do not depend upon anyone from their families. Their family members never come to meet them as well. The stories vary in characters but the plot remains unchanged. During our visit to one old age home, a very touching story came up. A lady with four children lost her husband when her younger child was just 5. She brought her children up struggling with the norms of life. Her children gained immense success in their work field and got married. But they had no place for their mother in their 3BHK flats. They ended up putting their mother into an old age home. She lamented and considered herself to be an orphan. The story was very disheartening. Four well off children but no one having time to look after their own mother. She waited for her children to come and take her home along with them. At last her wait ended but sadly into death. She was deprived of the love she should have got from her children. From the time nuclear families were on a rise in India, this problem arose in almost every house. Unlike the western countries, two generations did not agree to stay under one roof and this problem dragged till today. Sadly there has been no revolutionary change in the thought of many children. They use their parents like a ladder and abandon them when they achieve success in their lives. The conditions of the old staying in homes are still better. Some parents are left on roads to die. These people are then taken to these homes by the social workers or NGOs. But most of them are still surviving on the footpaths of the cities and towns.

Aditya with inmate, Mr Paul

In the Vedic age, Humans lived for a hundred years. This life span was divided into four segments. The first one was Brahmacharya where the seven year old was supposed to stay in a gurukul in order to receive education. In modern times it can be compared to a boarding school. Then comes the second quarter where one had to live a life as a Grihasthi or householder. In the third part, one was to retire from ones family’s duties handing over the responsibilities to their children and then set out in the forest. This was known as the VanaPrasthan. The contemporaries were left to live under one roof. This can be compared to modern day’s Retirement Retreat. The last part was to be spent in the search of God. A person lived in complete renunciation. This was the Sanyasas. We don’t live for a hundred years now. Neither there are so many forests were one can go for Vanaprasthan. Therefore the forests seem to have replaced by old age homes now. After retirement from the hectic lifestyle, the old people of the society are expected to move apart from the contemporaries of the family. The question lies as to why this mindset exists? Can’t we take care of the old who will merely live for 10-30 years more? If they can tolerate us for years of our life, why can’t we do the same? Or are we so inefficient in this field of life? Whatever the reason maybe, studies have proven that in future there will be more old people in our country. It will be interesting to wait for that day. Will the number of old age homes be more than the number of houses? Well, let us leave that for the future.

Oldage Home visited: Santi Nivas.

Project:Rediscovering Oldage of TTIS (Cover story yet to be published)

Special thanks to Subhajit Paul.

Picture courtesy: Ujjal Debnath & Aditya Alexander.