Loving Pain

Name: Ria Sinha

Ex-Student

College: Shree Shikshayatan College (Journalism 1^st year)

Well, I guess my story is like any other person out there. But I like to think that it is special, but everyone has their own special story too. This tale of heartbreak is recent and even now I have a hard time talking about it.

                                It all started back in class 11. All my life I had studied in a girl’s school and this was the first time I was getting a chance to study in a co-educational school. I was really so damn excited about it. I distinctly remember, it was the second or third day of school when I saw the face that attracted me and also would be the cause of my sorrow later on.

                                    Anyways, when I saw his face, I could not keep my eyes off him. God!!! He was so handsome, had a perfectly toned body, was tall and smart and had a never dying spirit. His name was Siddharth Kapoor. The name was just as charming as him. Thanks to my lucky stars, I had a chat with him that day and also found out that we have so much in common.

                                            We became friends and promised to stay friends forever (needless to say that I broke the promise by falling in love with him first). As time progressed, our bond of friendship grew deeper and deeper. Our friendship was the main cause of jealousy for the other girls because Siddharth was so handsome. We even flirted with each other, but it was just a joke. But this joke made me realize that I had fallen in love with him. I kept this from him because I did not want to ruin the friendship we had.

                                         We had played a whole load of pranks on teachers. One fellow student also was not spared. I had bunked school for the first time with him. I went with him to the night club for the first time. It was with him that I had my first drink, my first puff, and many other things. So obviously, he held a very important place in my life.  The end of school life approached. I had dreaded this day because this meant separation from the person whom I loved very much. So, for the last few days I used to be like a shadow to him. I wanted to spend as much time as possible.

                          The day we had our last board exams was the day which changed my life forever. I even remember the date and place when it happened.

                                   On the 27th of March, our board exams got over at 5:00 in the evening. After that I said, “Why don’t we all go and celebrate?” Fortunately, no one agreed to come except Sid (I used to call him this). So I was extremely happy. We went to a park, and we were enjoying ourselves when I decided to tell him everything about my feelings. I said,” Sid, I have something to tell you”. He replied,” What a coincidence!! Even I have to tell you something”. Then Sid said,” Okay you say”. Just as I was about to begin, his cell phone rang. He excused himself. When he came back I was shocked because he came back with a girl. I was shocked, not because the girl was one of my group friends named Sonia, but because of the way he was standing with the girl (his hand around Sonia’s waist). My mind stopped functioning at that moment. Sid said, “Ria!! I have kept this as a secret from everybody. You are the first one to know this. This girl, Sonia here has been my girlfriend for the past 2 years and I love her so much”.

                                       At that moment, I was numb at the shock that I just could not speak. I just sat there like a statue and smiled. It pained me to see him with some other girl but just because he was so happy I controlled myself. I said, “Congratulations!! Hope that this relation goes on forever. I excused myself and left them alone. Just as I turned, someone’s cell rang. It is not unusual but the ringtone was the song which was expressing what I was feeling right then. The song was “Emptiness”:

  Tune mere jaana.... kabhi nahin jaana..... ishq mera..... dard mera.....

                                      I rushed back home and went directly into my room. I cried till my eyes could produce no more tears. Sid had called me so many times but I decided that I would never express my feelings to him.

                                                 I learnt a valuable lesson that day. We should never hide our feelings from the person we love. If we do, then maybe when we express our feelings it would be too late just like in my case. I don’t blame Sid for whatever happened. It was not his fault. He had already told me that we were friends forever. I was the stupid one to fall in love with him.

                         Now we are just very good “friends”. I have moved on in my life now.

                                I have shared this story so that the boys and girls ( who are shy to confess their feelings) would understand what it is like when they don’t confess their feelings. I hope that no girl behaves as foolishly as I have done. Whenever you love someone just go and tell them directly on their face. If you cannot do that then you are weak hearted. Remember love is not for the weak.